The Course of Our Discourse

Over the past two years, I – like many other Americans – have become very concerned about the direction of our Country and the inability of our political leaders to come together to solve the serious moral, social, and fiscal problems that confront us.  While there is an ideological divide in America, which must be acknowledged, the first step in solving our differences must be a willingness to communicate.  This requires trust, which at its core demands that each of us treat others with respect and in a civil manner.  Over the past two months, interestingly enough, three separate incidents reinforced my resolve to re-double my efforts in this regard: a speech by my Congressman (Rep. Scott Rigell www.scottrigell.com), a visit to the Virginia Capitol (http://www.virginiacapitol.gov/), and an article in the Virginian Pilot by Candy Hatcher (Shoring Up Civility, March 30, 2012 http://bit.ly/H50Y49).

On March 30, I attended a rally for Rep. Scott Rigell.  In his talk he stressed the need to treat each other with respect in our civil discourse because respect builds trust which is fundamental to effective communication.  Effective communication allows us to constructively deal with conflict.  He emphasized that civility should not be confused with weakness, because civil communication leads to understanding, which is the essence of strength.  He went on to illustrate his point by successes he has been able to achieve through his Republican colleagues and constructive, civil dialogue with many in government who do not share his political views.  Among others, these successes include:  (1) keeping a US Navy carrier in Norfolk; (2) creating 300 jobs on the eastern shore; (3) preserving medical benefits for veterans and improving living standards in military housing; (4) preserving the historical heritage of Fort Monroe; and (5) establishment of a new caucus based on constructive dialogue in government, the “Fix Congress Now” caucus.  In fact, Rep. Rigell has reached out to Sen. Mark Warner and Rep. Bobby Scott, both Virginia Democrats on some issues, and they have reciprocated.

The month before, I was prepared for Rep. Rigell’s speech by a visit to our state capitol.   At the book store, I thumbed through a bound copy of George Washington’s “110 Rules of Civility.” The rules are based upon principles set forth by French Jesuits in 1595 and were used by Washington’s schoolmaster to teach him penmanship.  Washington translated them into a table, practiced them on a daily basis, and documented his progress towards achieving them.   These habits formed his character.  If it was good enough for Washington, I figured it was good enough for my grandson and me.  So I bought a copy and we started to work on them together.

The Virginian Pilot article, published the same day that I attended Rep. Rigell’s talk, brought these two events together.  In her article, Ms. Hatcher quotes University of Virginia professor Jonathan Haidt, who defines civility as “ … the ability to disagree with others while we respect their sincerity and decency.”  She goes on to say, “As I listened to Haidt’s speech, I was also thinking about my representative in Congress, freshman Rep. Scott Rigell, a Virginia Beach Republican whose positions are not often in synch with mine.  … He [Rep. Rigell] vowed to be careful about the tone of his conversation, to keep it civil and professional while still passionate and strong.  … [H]e promised to rely on facts, to go where they lead, not to follow emotion or simply align with a colleague out of loyalty.”  So she called him and asked how it was going.  Her conclusion is my conclusion, “It is a small step, … but if we are to find our way past anger, to financial stability and a more civil society, we have to stop calling names.  We have to start listening to, and learning from, each other.”